sparr: (cellular automata)
If I sent you a link to this, that means I like you. I'm bad at interpersonal stuff, especially opening conversations and negotiations when I'm unsure of where exactly we might stand. This is my attempt to evade that hurdle, by putting everything on the table at once. I'm sorry if it seems impersonal, but hopefully you'll reply and we can begin a dialogue on the subject that isn't.

I want to...
do things with you )

In light of all this, what furthering of our relationship would be comfortable to you, and what might I do to accommodate that? I assign sufficient value to keeping our acquaintance or friendship stable that I would give up the possibility of having more with you to avoid significant risk of alienating you out of my own ignorance.
sparr: (cellular automata)
Like many of my writings about my decision making process, value system, priorities, and thoughts, this one is about planning ahead. I like to make broad categories of decisions in advance so that I don't have to make them on short notice. I have more time right now to think about these things, to collect the views of my friends and peers, to weigh consequences and repercussions, and generally to make a good decision than I will when it comes time to put that decision into action.

You probably think this post is about sex and cheating. You probably think "don't be involved in other people breaking the rules of their relationships" is a pretty straightforward statement, and a good rule to live by. I'd like to disabuse you of that notion. You need to think a lot more broadly about rules that might exist in a relationship, and the myriad factors that might affect your decisions and lead to those rules being broken. It's rarely safe to deal in absolutes, so let me start by thoroughly stepping outside that box. My take on this whole concept is a work in progress, but more often than not my reaction to such situations is going to be "She knows more about her relationship than I do. I'm going to let her make those decisions and she is responsible for the consequences. I may impose honest communication requirements on her as a condition of my participation.".

Read more... )

Consent

Oct. 14th, 2011 01:23 am
sparr: (Default)
Consent is important to me. I have multiple people in my life who have been in situations that ended badly, even life changingly, over issues with consent. Like many things, I've put more thought into this subject in a few years than most people will in their whole life. Like many things on that list, talking about this in depth is a social taboo, despite not talking about it leading to very negative outcomes.
Read more... )
I hope this gives you some insight into my thoughts on the matter of consent, both in general and as applies to my current and potential relationships.
sparr: (Default)
It's been a while since I put together all of my relationship information and thoughts in one place. It's all in my head, and I can cross reference it as necessary, but that means explaining things to various people on a piecemeal basis. That's no good, because it leads to small misunderstandings and some missed opportunities.

I'm still polyamorous, in case that bit escaped anyone's notice. I have multiple intimate and romantic relationships, with varying degrees of commitment and involvement. All of the girls I am involved with for any length of time know that there are other girls, and all of the ones I'm seriously involved with know who the others are. I'm also still a virgin, and for various reasons don't have as much fun at third base as I might. Don't let that confuse you, though. I have an active sex life and it is both interesting and enjoyable, if not as frequent or regular as I'd like. To greatly over-simplify, I currently have two girlfriends, some number of friends with benefits, and a few girls I'm pursuing. There is also some overlap between those categories, as I'm looking to upgrade some relationships, and some have downgraded, possibly temporarily.

Read more... )
sparr: (Default)
As pertains to this post, I'm not looking for commitment or intercourse. While those are things I'd like to find in some more serious or long term relationships, and that might develop from something simpler, today I'm concerned with other less involved kinds of relationships.

I don't think I can contain in a single phrase what I'm looking for. Perhaps "companionship" is closest, but that doesn't necessarily cover the full span of degrees of intimacy, or lack thereof, in question. There are a lot of relationship niches, and most of them are empty in my life most of the time[1]. I'd like to find someone(s) that I can have lunch or dinner with. Someone to see a movie with, out or at home. Someone to take, or by whom to be taken, to parties of all sorts. A partner in exploration and mischief. A warm body to share cold nights with, even just for the comfort. An intimate partner, somewhere along the spectrum of first through third bases, inclusive. Everything in between, and combinations thereof.

whining )

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Sparr

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