sparr: (cellular automata)
This is the second half of my post-con writing, following a con report style post that's not specific to my experience.

I went to Frolicon this year, after skipping the event last year for logistical reasons, and not otherwise having been to Atlanta for a couple of years. It was a fun weekend, quite full of social and play time with friends and acquaintances, old and new.

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sparr: (cellular automata)
I have a number of friends who describe themselves as asexual, in one form or another. I've heard the term defined in a few ways, mostly boiling down to something like the first noun definition from google, "a person who has no sexual feelings or desires".

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If you place negative value on all sexual activity, such that you avoid it in circumstances where the net value is otherwise positive, and your partner asking you to have sex is mostly/always a no, then you are not asexual. You are antisexual (or some other word that I am not familiar with). If you want "asexual" to describe that situation, then there's a lot of work to be done on the popular definition of the term, including the definition actively promoted in pro-asexuality literature and events.

(This note may be revised based on feedback.)
sparr: (cellular automata)
Like many of my writings about my decision making process, value system, priorities, and thoughts, this one is about planning ahead. I like to make broad categories of decisions in advance so that I don't have to make them on short notice. I have more time right now to think about these things, to collect the views of my friends and peers, to weigh consequences and repercussions, and generally to make a good decision than I will when it comes time to put that decision into action.

You probably think this post is about sex and cheating. You probably think "don't be involved in other people breaking the rules of their relationships" is a pretty straightforward statement, and a good rule to live by. I'd like to disabuse you of that notion. You need to think a lot more broadly about rules that might exist in a relationship, and the myriad factors that might affect your decisions and lead to those rules being broken. It's rarely safe to deal in absolutes, so let me start by thoroughly stepping outside that box. My take on this whole concept is a work in progress, but more often than not my reaction to such situations is going to be "She knows more about her relationship than I do. I'm going to let her make those decisions and she is responsible for the consequences. I may impose honest communication requirements on her as a condition of my participation.".

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I've got some concerns regarding sexual consent and about being a good friend, of the sort with or without benefits. As usual, this post is where I am going to put a lot more thought into one small part of typical life than most people would, but asking for and receiving feedback on these issues is how I keep myself on track, at least somewhat.

Freely given sex is a good thing.
Rape is a bad thing, and consider this a trigger warning for the next section of this post.

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This was an eventful VDay (give or take) for me.

I got invited for a visit in a month by an intimate friend, although she might not know what March 14th is (yet!) :)

I got offered an open ended rain check for SBJDay from a much closer friend.

And I got decisively friend boxed by the girl I've been interested in the longest :(
sparr: (Default)
Today let's talk about intimate activities, of the mundane and kinky varieties, as apply to my personal preferences.

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[0] There are many partially or completely independent axes on which an interaction can be quantified and determined to be desirable or not. How much I enjoy the act and how much I enjoy YOU are two different things. I can enjoy tying up someone I don't like, and I can enjoy spanking someone that I love.

[1] A model, a photographer, and myself get together for a photo shoot. I enjoy tying her up even though she has no interest in being tied up, she is just there because the photographer considers her pretty and is giving her photos or money or other consideration.

[2] And chainwork, and webbingwork, and all the other sorts of attaching-things-to-other-things bondage.

[3] Whether "wonderful" is light and free and floating, or heavy and pinching and restrictive, it gives much of either end of that spectrum.
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June 2017

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