How do they know? You sit down, the waiter comes out to you knowing nothing about you or what you need. Do you really (really?) want your waiter's first exchange with you to be a demand that you tell them what your needs for the evening are, so that they can ditch you and go provide service to someone who wants someone with their skills? And you (and your date, or friends, etc) won't change your mind and start ordering alcohol?
Seriously, you're really not thinking this through. I know it was a rant, polemic, etc., but it falls down really readily. Waiters get training BECAUSE they want to be better waiters. You say repeatedly that should be rewarded in a true capitalist spirit. Fine and dandy. But then you start snarking about the very training and effort they're making TO BE BETTER. To provide more services, to be more efficient and knowledgeable. To become better to better deserve their tip.
(btw, If a waiter is in a place that serves alcohol, then again, your desires aside, they need to have SafeServ Alcohol Primary or else the insurance rates soar, and they could only serve people who don't order alcohol. 'You don't need the license to serve *me*' is incredibly shortsighted...they need the license to serve the guy who was here before you, and the woman who wants a Cosmo instead of dessert after you. It's not some guy who only serves you than buggers off for the rest of the night)
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Seriously, you're really not thinking this through. I know it was a rant, polemic, etc., but it falls down really readily. Waiters get training BECAUSE they want to be better waiters. You say repeatedly that should be rewarded in a true capitalist spirit. Fine and dandy. But then you start snarking about the very training and effort they're making TO BE BETTER. To provide more services, to be more efficient and knowledgeable. To become better to better deserve their tip.
(btw, If a waiter is in a place that serves alcohol, then again, your desires aside, they need to have SafeServ Alcohol Primary or else the insurance rates soar, and they could only serve people who don't order alcohol. 'You don't need the license to serve *me*' is incredibly shortsighted...they need the license to serve the guy who was here before you, and the woman who wants a Cosmo instead of dessert after you. It's not some guy who only serves you than buggers off for the rest of the night)