Sexy times with Sparr
Aug. 31st, 2010 11:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparrToday let's talk about intimate activities, of the mundane and kinky varieties, as apply to my personal preferences.
On one axis[0], there are three very broad categories of types of play. First, there are things that I enjoy, regardless of whether or not you like it. Third, there are things that I don't enjoy, again without regard to your tastes. Second, there is everything in between, which I only enjoy if you also enjoy it. Obviously these are not strictly defined categories; there are large grey areas in between them and some overlap depending on a lot of factors, but they serve as a good general set of guidelines.
Since this post is going to serve as a primer, I'll start the first category. To be clear, I very rarely enjoy doing something with or to someone who is actively unhappy with the activity in question. This category is mostly for things that I enjoy when the other party is indifferent or uninterested, or in some cases participating for compensation[1] of some sort. I enjoy interacting with pretty girls, visually or physically, and that extends to all of the following but not to exclusivity. I enjoy tying people up. The mechanics and geometry of ropework[2] appeal to a lot of my geeky tendencies. This extends from purely decorative ties to completely restrictive bondage and everything in between. I enjoy exposing people to unfamiliar sensations, or more colloquially "having unique toys". This comes out mostly with regard to my vibration and electrical toys. Both of these come together when I get to do rope suspension, because even most people who have been restrained have never been suspended, and it can be a wonderful feeling[3].
Next, to fill in the most important blanks, I'll follow up with that third category. These include things that kinky folks might call limits, or everyone might call turn-offs. Most of this category is comprised of things that I won't do, won't let be done to me, don't enjoy watching, and generally prefer not to be forced to think about when I'm not already on the subject. The top of the list is relatively "normal", insofar as it overlaps with the similar list for the majority of the kink and nonkink world. I don't do anything without or against the consent of the other participants. I don't do anything involving feces, urine, or vomit. I don't do anything with real or simulated children. Below this we fade into a wide grey area with category two, as there are things I will only enjoy doing if the other party REALLY enjoys it AND I enjoy playing with them to a significant degree. Generally speaking, I don't play with cutting or blood, or any sorts of permanent damage. I generally don't partake in types of play that are illegal for reasons other than their intimate or sexual nature. I won't pay for the privilege of playing with someone, although that's mostly a separate issue.
Finally, there is everything else. I enjoy doing things that you enjoy. My sadistic and dominant tendencies are minimal. I rarely engage in those sorts of play for my own benefit. If you like being spanked, I will spank you, and I will enjoy it because you enjoy it. This category is widely modified by a lot of factors, particularly how much I enjoy interacting with you otherwise, which is at least partially based on how attractive I find you. Finding out what turns my partner on and doing it, as long as it's not one of the things in that third category, is one of my favorite parts of a relationship.
Half of the people who read this post already know most of these things. The other half are split between people who didn't make it this far, people who finished and are upset, and people who finished and want to play. I'm posting this with the expectation that that last category will outnumber the previous one.
[0] There are many partially or completely independent axes on which an interaction can be quantified and determined to be desirable or not. How much I enjoy the act and how much I enjoy YOU are two different things. I can enjoy tying up someone I don't like, and I can enjoy spanking someone that I love.
[1] A model, a photographer, and myself get together for a photo shoot. I enjoy tying her up even though she has no interest in being tied up, she is just there because the photographer considers her pretty and is giving her photos or money or other consideration.
[2] And chainwork, and webbingwork, and all the other sorts of attaching-things-to-other-things bondage.
[3] Whether "wonderful" is light and free and floating, or heavy and pinching and restrictive, it gives much of either end of that spectrum.
On one axis[0], there are three very broad categories of types of play. First, there are things that I enjoy, regardless of whether or not you like it. Third, there are things that I don't enjoy, again without regard to your tastes. Second, there is everything in between, which I only enjoy if you also enjoy it. Obviously these are not strictly defined categories; there are large grey areas in between them and some overlap depending on a lot of factors, but they serve as a good general set of guidelines.
Since this post is going to serve as a primer, I'll start the first category. To be clear, I very rarely enjoy doing something with or to someone who is actively unhappy with the activity in question. This category is mostly for things that I enjoy when the other party is indifferent or uninterested, or in some cases participating for compensation[1] of some sort. I enjoy interacting with pretty girls, visually or physically, and that extends to all of the following but not to exclusivity. I enjoy tying people up. The mechanics and geometry of ropework[2] appeal to a lot of my geeky tendencies. This extends from purely decorative ties to completely restrictive bondage and everything in between. I enjoy exposing people to unfamiliar sensations, or more colloquially "having unique toys". This comes out mostly with regard to my vibration and electrical toys. Both of these come together when I get to do rope suspension, because even most people who have been restrained have never been suspended, and it can be a wonderful feeling[3].
Next, to fill in the most important blanks, I'll follow up with that third category. These include things that kinky folks might call limits, or everyone might call turn-offs. Most of this category is comprised of things that I won't do, won't let be done to me, don't enjoy watching, and generally prefer not to be forced to think about when I'm not already on the subject. The top of the list is relatively "normal", insofar as it overlaps with the similar list for the majority of the kink and nonkink world. I don't do anything without or against the consent of the other participants. I don't do anything involving feces, urine, or vomit. I don't do anything with real or simulated children. Below this we fade into a wide grey area with category two, as there are things I will only enjoy doing if the other party REALLY enjoys it AND I enjoy playing with them to a significant degree. Generally speaking, I don't play with cutting or blood, or any sorts of permanent damage. I generally don't partake in types of play that are illegal for reasons other than their intimate or sexual nature. I won't pay for the privilege of playing with someone, although that's mostly a separate issue.
Finally, there is everything else. I enjoy doing things that you enjoy. My sadistic and dominant tendencies are minimal. I rarely engage in those sorts of play for my own benefit. If you like being spanked, I will spank you, and I will enjoy it because you enjoy it. This category is widely modified by a lot of factors, particularly how much I enjoy interacting with you otherwise, which is at least partially based on how attractive I find you. Finding out what turns my partner on and doing it, as long as it's not one of the things in that third category, is one of my favorite parts of a relationship.
Half of the people who read this post already know most of these things. The other half are split between people who didn't make it this far, people who finished and are upset, and people who finished and want to play. I'm posting this with the expectation that that last category will outnumber the previous one.
[0] There are many partially or completely independent axes on which an interaction can be quantified and determined to be desirable or not. How much I enjoy the act and how much I enjoy YOU are two different things. I can enjoy tying up someone I don't like, and I can enjoy spanking someone that I love.
[1] A model, a photographer, and myself get together for a photo shoot. I enjoy tying her up even though she has no interest in being tied up, she is just there because the photographer considers her pretty and is giving her photos or money or other consideration.
[2] And chainwork, and webbingwork, and all the other sorts of attaching-things-to-other-things bondage.
[3] Whether "wonderful" is light and free and floating, or heavy and pinching and restrictive, it gives much of either end of that spectrum.
