The selfishness of being in the closet
Sep. 23rd, 2015 01:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparrIf you keep part of your life secret because of potential negative consequences to yourself, but social trends indicate that more people making that part of their life not-secret reduces the negative consequences to others in the same situation, then you are responsible for a share of the negative consequences, actual and potential, faced by anyone else with that same secret.
The consequences, actual or anticipated, to yourself or others, can range from minor to extremely severe. Your responsibility is of much greater magnitude when there are only anticipated minor consequences to yourself, but severe actual consequences to others. If you keep something secret just because you would be embarassed, but others with that same secret are killed or jailed when it is found out, that is the worst case. Other situations fall in between these two extremes, and can even be formed into a vague hierarchy:
This concept applies to being kinky, homosexual, geeky, a recreational drug user, from a foreign country, or anything else you might keep secret about yourself despite there not actually being anything (or much) wrong with it.
If you are in the closet because you're embarassed, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they lose friends. If you are in the closet because you'll lose friends, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and their family breaks contact with them. If you are in the closet because you'll lose your family, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they get harassed. If you are in the closet because you'll get harassed, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they get abused. If you are in the closet because you'll get abused, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they get imprisoned. If you are in the closet because you'll get imprisoned, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they get killed.
Yes, the vast majority of the blame is on the shoulders of the bigots, but blame is not a limited commodity. You have the ability to make life better for thousands to millions (to billions? How many gay people or recreational drug users are there in the world?) of other people, and you're not doing it because it would have a cost to you. How big does the disparity need to be between that cost and the good it would do before you'll accept the label of "selfish" and engage in some introspection?
In the thread that spawned this post, I was accused of being privileged. To that I have two separate responses:
1) At worst, everything I've said here still applies fully to everyone who is at least as privileged as I am. I've got plenty of wealthy American cisgendered heterosexual Caucasian males in my social circles who are still in the closet about being kinky or geeky or smoking pot.
2) None of my views on this subject have shifted significantly as various aspects of privilege in my life have changed. I've thought about them a lot more, and I've grown more resolved and fleshed out a lot of details, but the general slant of my views has stayed pretty constant for 20 years. I've been poor enough to steal food and beg for gas money. I've been the racial minority in my work, school, community. Having more privilege might make it easier for me to make some of these decisions, but the key suffix there is "er". Everything I've said above applies to everyone at any level of privilege, just possibly proportionally. The people who will "only" be embarassed to be outed have great privilege over the people who would be abused or jailed or killed if they were outed, regardless of what other privilege they have or lack.
The consequences, actual or anticipated, to yourself or others, can range from minor to extremely severe. Your responsibility is of much greater magnitude when there are only anticipated minor consequences to yourself, but severe actual consequences to others. If you keep something secret just because you would be embarassed, but others with that same secret are killed or jailed when it is found out, that is the worst case. Other situations fall in between these two extremes, and can even be formed into a vague hierarchy:
This concept applies to being kinky, homosexual, geeky, a recreational drug user, from a foreign country, or anything else you might keep secret about yourself despite there not actually being anything (or much) wrong with it.
If you are in the closet because you're embarassed, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they lose friends. If you are in the closet because you'll lose friends, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and their family breaks contact with them. If you are in the closet because you'll lose your family, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they get harassed. If you are in the closet because you'll get harassed, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they get abused. If you are in the closet because you'll get abused, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they get imprisoned. If you are in the closet because you'll get imprisoned, you're partially to blame when someone else is outed and they get killed.
Yes, the vast majority of the blame is on the shoulders of the bigots, but blame is not a limited commodity. You have the ability to make life better for thousands to millions (to billions? How many gay people or recreational drug users are there in the world?) of other people, and you're not doing it because it would have a cost to you. How big does the disparity need to be between that cost and the good it would do before you'll accept the label of "selfish" and engage in some introspection?
In the thread that spawned this post, I was accused of being privileged. To that I have two separate responses:
1) At worst, everything I've said here still applies fully to everyone who is at least as privileged as I am. I've got plenty of wealthy American cisgendered heterosexual Caucasian males in my social circles who are still in the closet about being kinky or geeky or smoking pot.
2) None of my views on this subject have shifted significantly as various aspects of privilege in my life have changed. I've thought about them a lot more, and I've grown more resolved and fleshed out a lot of details, but the general slant of my views has stayed pretty constant for 20 years. I've been poor enough to steal food and beg for gas money. I've been the racial minority in my work, school, community. Having more privilege might make it easier for me to make some of these decisions, but the key suffix there is "er". Everything I've said above applies to everyone at any level of privilege, just possibly proportionally. The people who will "only" be embarassed to be outed have great privilege over the people who would be abused or jailed or killed if they were outed, regardless of what other privilege they have or lack.