My Perfect Girl, redux
Jun. 26th, 2014 11:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparrThree years ago I wrote "Day 13, My Perfect Girl". It was part of a writing challenge, and I tried to describe a set of traits that define my perfect match in a partner, intellectually, romantically, sexually, etc. I've changed since then. I've dated and played with more people in more ways and over longer periods of time. I've also gotten to know myself and what I want/need better. That is how I find myself re-writing this post.
I will, as before, preface this with a disclaimer that almost all of these criteria describe an ideal point on a broad curve. None of them are entirely mandatory for me to enjoy someone's company, in whatever ways we are compatible. Few of them are interdependent.
I will move to the forefront a statement that I made at the end of the article last time: I've already found a girl who meets almost all of these criteria, well beyond the 99th percentile. To anyone who thinks these criteria are too rough and I'm aiming too high... my girlfriend of 4-5 years is closer to my perfect match than I could ever hope to find at random. I could stop looking now and be nearly as content as I might ever be. K, I love you, still.
Now, on to describing my ideal partner.
She is smart. This is priority numero uno. I'm looking for both intelligence and knowledge, preferably in tandem. Street smarts, book smarts, life smarts, rationality, etc. I am neither humble nor macho nor easily intimidated, a girl who is smarter than me is hard to find[1], and DAMN HOT.
She can communicate, in as many forms as possible. Body language, verbal exchanges and debates, synchronous and asynchronous online communication. All of these media have strengths and weaknesses, and will be available to different degrees in different situations. If she can't handle one or more of them, that is going to negatively impact our relationship.
She is passionate about something, even if it's not something I'm into. If you don't really care about anything, that says things about you that aren't so hot to me. This could be a cause, an art form, a hobby, a lifestyle, or almost anything else.
She likes some of the things that I like. She dislikes some of the things that I like. She isn't afraid to tell me which are which. We need to be able to have fun while doing the same things, possibly in the same place at the same time, just for the sake of the things. We need to be able to have fun doing different things, in different places.
She enjoys sexual activity, and exploration of the same. Ditto for at least some kinks that complement mine. She knows what she likes, and what she doesn't like, and knows what she doesn't know, and can communicate all of that. She is a functional black box[2] in this regard.
She shares my outlook on polyamory, from both sides of the relationship. I don't mind if she is monogamous, but I'm not going to insist on it, and she can't insist on my being so either. This is especially up for *discussion*, but not for change, and the distinction between those is an important part of us being able to communicate at all.
She falls somewhere in the second quartile of most physical measurements, ordered small to large, low to high. This includes height, weight, body fat percentage, breast size, etc.
She knows how to care for an introvert. This is important, since I am awfully stereotypically introverted. I play an extrovert in the real world sometimes, but it's just a show. If she can't give me my space, or offer support in at least some of the right situations, or ignore some of my little quirks (or even share some, but not all, of them), then we are going to have serious issues in the long term.
She can get along with most of my friends, and vice versa. It would be pretty hard to meet all of the other criteria without meeting this one, but I've seen it happen to other folks so I add this for completeness. I hang out with my friends a lot, and my acquaintances even more, so if somehow she gets along with me and no one else then that's going to get old fast. I have friends of all sorts, so she will have to be pretty open minded and accepting to fit this criterion as well. If you can't talk to homosexuals, christians, the homeless, politicans, potheads, transgendered people, or any other uncommon subset of our culture, then we probably aren't meant for each other, since I hang out with people from all of those groups on a regular basis.
I think that about sums it up. Reaching the end of this writing, fewer things changed than I had expected, but I guess that's not a bad thing.
[1] about as hard to find as a guy.
[2] a black box is an engineering concept applied to devices with inputs and outputs that are linked in some unknown but knowable way.
I will, as before, preface this with a disclaimer that almost all of these criteria describe an ideal point on a broad curve. None of them are entirely mandatory for me to enjoy someone's company, in whatever ways we are compatible. Few of them are interdependent.
I will move to the forefront a statement that I made at the end of the article last time: I've already found a girl who meets almost all of these criteria, well beyond the 99th percentile. To anyone who thinks these criteria are too rough and I'm aiming too high... my girlfriend of 4-5 years is closer to my perfect match than I could ever hope to find at random. I could stop looking now and be nearly as content as I might ever be. K, I love you, still.
Now, on to describing my ideal partner.
She is smart. This is priority numero uno. I'm looking for both intelligence and knowledge, preferably in tandem. Street smarts, book smarts, life smarts, rationality, etc. I am neither humble nor macho nor easily intimidated, a girl who is smarter than me is hard to find[1], and DAMN HOT.
She can communicate, in as many forms as possible. Body language, verbal exchanges and debates, synchronous and asynchronous online communication. All of these media have strengths and weaknesses, and will be available to different degrees in different situations. If she can't handle one or more of them, that is going to negatively impact our relationship.
She is passionate about something, even if it's not something I'm into. If you don't really care about anything, that says things about you that aren't so hot to me. This could be a cause, an art form, a hobby, a lifestyle, or almost anything else.
She likes some of the things that I like. She dislikes some of the things that I like. She isn't afraid to tell me which are which. We need to be able to have fun while doing the same things, possibly in the same place at the same time, just for the sake of the things. We need to be able to have fun doing different things, in different places.
She enjoys sexual activity, and exploration of the same. Ditto for at least some kinks that complement mine. She knows what she likes, and what she doesn't like, and knows what she doesn't know, and can communicate all of that. She is a functional black box[2] in this regard.
She shares my outlook on polyamory, from both sides of the relationship. I don't mind if she is monogamous, but I'm not going to insist on it, and she can't insist on my being so either. This is especially up for *discussion*, but not for change, and the distinction between those is an important part of us being able to communicate at all.
She falls somewhere in the second quartile of most physical measurements, ordered small to large, low to high. This includes height, weight, body fat percentage, breast size, etc.
She knows how to care for an introvert. This is important, since I am awfully stereotypically introverted. I play an extrovert in the real world sometimes, but it's just a show. If she can't give me my space, or offer support in at least some of the right situations, or ignore some of my little quirks (or even share some, but not all, of them), then we are going to have serious issues in the long term.
She can get along with most of my friends, and vice versa. It would be pretty hard to meet all of the other criteria without meeting this one, but I've seen it happen to other folks so I add this for completeness. I hang out with my friends a lot, and my acquaintances even more, so if somehow she gets along with me and no one else then that's going to get old fast. I have friends of all sorts, so she will have to be pretty open minded and accepting to fit this criterion as well. If you can't talk to homosexuals, christians, the homeless, politicans, potheads, transgendered people, or any other uncommon subset of our culture, then we probably aren't meant for each other, since I hang out with people from all of those groups on a regular basis.
I think that about sums it up. Reaching the end of this writing, fewer things changed than I had expected, but I guess that's not a bad thing.
[1] about as hard to find as a guy.
[2] a black box is an engineering concept applied to devices with inputs and outputs that are linked in some unknown but knowable way.