Relationships
Jun. 5th, 2011 09:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparrIt's been a while since I put together all of my relationship information and thoughts in one place. It's all in my head, and I can cross reference it as necessary, but that means explaining things to various people on a piecemeal basis. That's no good, because it leads to small misunderstandings and some missed opportunities.
I'm still polyamorous, in case that bit escaped anyone's notice. I have multiple intimate and romantic relationships, with varying degrees of commitment and involvement. All of the girls I am involved with for any length of time know that there are other girls, and all of the ones I'm seriously involved with know who the others are. I'm also still a virgin, and for various reasons don't have as much fun at third base as I might. Don't let that confuse you, though. I have an active sex life and it is both interesting and enjoyable, if not as frequent or regular as I'd like. To greatly over-simplify, I currently have two girlfriends, some number of friends with benefits, and a few girls I'm pursuing. There is also some overlap between those categories, as I'm looking to upgrade some relationships, and some have downgraded, possibly temporarily.
I've been dating my primary for about a year and a half now, give or take depending on your definition. She's been in school in Boston that whole time, and she insists that I not waste money flying up to see her every weekend, so we only see each other every couple of months. She is as close to my dream girl[1] as I can hope to find in the foreseeable future[2]. I strongly anticipate spending a significant number of years in a relationship with her, and the likelihood of that relationship being upgraded in any of various ways is high.
I am also enjoying expanding a second serious relationship. We've recently had the "boyfriend"/"girlfriend" talk, and of all the traditional terms it certainly describes what we have the best. We date and go on dates[3], and are intimately involved. I've been a friend of her primary for longer than I've known her, and that adds an interesting and mostly positive spin to the relationship.
I'm trying to get closer with someone I've been seeing more of lately. She's not my usual type, but is interesting in new and exciting ways. She triggers some of my "big brother" instincts, as a number of my younger and less responsible female friends do, but catches my fancy in other ways as well. It's too soon to say if anything will happen there, or it will be just another failure, but at least I'm trying!
I've got a weird habit of becoming intimate, but not or only slightly romantically involved, with girls who don't live in Atlanta. There are currently four girls with whom I am on "Booty Call" terms, but have no explicit plans to see in the immediate future. Sometimes they come through Atlanta; sometimes I visit their city; sometimes we end up somewhere else coincidentally. That has and probably will again turn into some play time together, but there's zero commitment in either direction, and we don't communicate much otherwise.
Another atypical part of my sex life is that I have serious trouble following up on relationships that start physically. That, by itself, isn't so strange, as we all know plenty of awkward guys. But the tricky part is that I have a disproportionately high number of purely physical encounters. If I know a girl for months or years and we have a strong conversational connection then it's so much easier to discuss whatever might happen between us physically. If I end up playing[4] with a girl that I generally only communicate with once a month, or even have never met before, that's really awkward for me. I attend enough play parties, orgies, sleepovers, etc that this happens on a pretty regular basis. Dealing with it is something I'm slowly working on. The fallout of not learning how to deal with it yet is that there are perhaps a dozen girls in Atlanta with whom I've played but haven't spoken since, and the stars have not aligned[5] again. It doesn't help that I often see rejection where there is really just lack of opportunity. I've begun to address this problem, to similar success rates as my recent attempts at being forward and direct. There will be more news on that front soon, I hope.
There are also a lot of girls that I do "kinky" things with, but who I'm not intimately involved with. I often enjoy the chance to tie up or massage or electrify a pretty girl who isn't interested in me, and I'm often not interested in her otherwise. I've gotten word through the grapevine that there is a strong misconception that I have sex with many or all of those girls, specifically the ones that I photograph or am photographed with. It would be lying to say that I don't want to have sex with most of them, and I'm trying to follow up on that as often as is prudent, but rest assured that I've been romantically or intimately involved with only a tiny fraction of those girls.
I do "kiss and tell", unless asked not to, so if you have any questions about my dating life or sex life, feel free to ask. If I can tell you, I will. If I can't, I'll tell you that. I'm not a huge fan of all the drama that secrecy creates, and actively aim to expunge it when possible.
[1] http://sparr0.livejournal.com/39428.html
[2] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gaid72fqzNE
[3] I've yet to figure out the difference, but at least 75% of my friends insist the two are not the same thing.
[4] "Play" is such a loaded term. Perhaps "fool around" would be a better fit. Anyway, for the sake of this post, let's define "play" as "interact with in an intimate fashion, either sexually past first base or in an explicitly kinky way".
[5] Coincidence, or lack thereof, is a large part of my intimacy woes. I have enough trouble approaching girls, and following up on successful interactions, that most of my intimate encounters are the result of a large number of factors coming together in just the right way. In the right place, at the right time, in the right situation, with the right person or people, etc.
I'm still polyamorous, in case that bit escaped anyone's notice. I have multiple intimate and romantic relationships, with varying degrees of commitment and involvement. All of the girls I am involved with for any length of time know that there are other girls, and all of the ones I'm seriously involved with know who the others are. I'm also still a virgin, and for various reasons don't have as much fun at third base as I might. Don't let that confuse you, though. I have an active sex life and it is both interesting and enjoyable, if not as frequent or regular as I'd like. To greatly over-simplify, I currently have two girlfriends, some number of friends with benefits, and a few girls I'm pursuing. There is also some overlap between those categories, as I'm looking to upgrade some relationships, and some have downgraded, possibly temporarily.
I've been dating my primary for about a year and a half now, give or take depending on your definition. She's been in school in Boston that whole time, and she insists that I not waste money flying up to see her every weekend, so we only see each other every couple of months. She is as close to my dream girl[1] as I can hope to find in the foreseeable future[2]. I strongly anticipate spending a significant number of years in a relationship with her, and the likelihood of that relationship being upgraded in any of various ways is high.
I am also enjoying expanding a second serious relationship. We've recently had the "boyfriend"/"girlfriend" talk, and of all the traditional terms it certainly describes what we have the best. We date and go on dates[3], and are intimately involved. I've been a friend of her primary for longer than I've known her, and that adds an interesting and mostly positive spin to the relationship.
I'm trying to get closer with someone I've been seeing more of lately. She's not my usual type, but is interesting in new and exciting ways. She triggers some of my "big brother" instincts, as a number of my younger and less responsible female friends do, but catches my fancy in other ways as well. It's too soon to say if anything will happen there, or it will be just another failure, but at least I'm trying!
I've got a weird habit of becoming intimate, but not or only slightly romantically involved, with girls who don't live in Atlanta. There are currently four girls with whom I am on "Booty Call" terms, but have no explicit plans to see in the immediate future. Sometimes they come through Atlanta; sometimes I visit their city; sometimes we end up somewhere else coincidentally. That has and probably will again turn into some play time together, but there's zero commitment in either direction, and we don't communicate much otherwise.
Another atypical part of my sex life is that I have serious trouble following up on relationships that start physically. That, by itself, isn't so strange, as we all know plenty of awkward guys. But the tricky part is that I have a disproportionately high number of purely physical encounters. If I know a girl for months or years and we have a strong conversational connection then it's so much easier to discuss whatever might happen between us physically. If I end up playing[4] with a girl that I generally only communicate with once a month, or even have never met before, that's really awkward for me. I attend enough play parties, orgies, sleepovers, etc that this happens on a pretty regular basis. Dealing with it is something I'm slowly working on. The fallout of not learning how to deal with it yet is that there are perhaps a dozen girls in Atlanta with whom I've played but haven't spoken since, and the stars have not aligned[5] again. It doesn't help that I often see rejection where there is really just lack of opportunity. I've begun to address this problem, to similar success rates as my recent attempts at being forward and direct. There will be more news on that front soon, I hope.
There are also a lot of girls that I do "kinky" things with, but who I'm not intimately involved with. I often enjoy the chance to tie up or massage or electrify a pretty girl who isn't interested in me, and I'm often not interested in her otherwise. I've gotten word through the grapevine that there is a strong misconception that I have sex with many or all of those girls, specifically the ones that I photograph or am photographed with. It would be lying to say that I don't want to have sex with most of them, and I'm trying to follow up on that as often as is prudent, but rest assured that I've been romantically or intimately involved with only a tiny fraction of those girls.
I do "kiss and tell", unless asked not to, so if you have any questions about my dating life or sex life, feel free to ask. If I can tell you, I will. If I can't, I'll tell you that. I'm not a huge fan of all the drama that secrecy creates, and actively aim to expunge it when possible.
[1] http://sparr0.livejournal.com/39428.html
[2] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gaid72fqzNE
[3] I've yet to figure out the difference, but at least 75% of my friends insist the two are not the same thing.
[4] "Play" is such a loaded term. Perhaps "fool around" would be a better fit. Anyway, for the sake of this post, let's define "play" as "interact with in an intimate fashion, either sexually past first base or in an explicitly kinky way".
[5] Coincidence, or lack thereof, is a large part of my intimacy woes. I have enough trouble approaching girls, and following up on successful interactions, that most of my intimate encounters are the result of a large number of factors coming together in just the right way. In the right place, at the right time, in the right situation, with the right person or people, etc.
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 12:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-04 09:45 pm (UTC)You're an incredible person, Sparr. I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to know you, and doubly fortunate that you metaphorically "smacked me upside the head" to remind me that if I'm going to take the time to think you're awesome and interesting that there is plenty of backstory to read.
Thanks. :)
Regarding Dates
Date: 2011-08-16 08:27 pm (UTC)