Day 17, Social customs, manners, fashion
Aug. 17th, 2010 10:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparrMy post on tipping seems to have struck a chord, albeit of a negative sort. Today I'm going to address some other weird, arbitrary, impractical, or uncommon bits of American social expectations. Things like manners and fashion and whatever else comes to mind.
I have never been a big fan of fashion. I understand that certain color combinations are disconcerting to look at, but beyond that it is a mystery to me. Some people insist that I should tuck my shirt in according to some arcane criteria. Along with a tucked in shirt they expect me to wear a belt, despite my pants already fitting correctly. I recently found out that some other people think my belt and shoes should match in color, where I had always assumed that the general alternating-color rule of thumb (one of the few I have managed to find any semblance of consistent applicability) would apply to the belt matching your socks instead (and shoes matching your pants). Sometimes very practical bits of clothing devolve into pure and ignorant fashion[1], but rarely is anything fashionable ever put to practical use. We look down on other cultures, modern and historical, for things like footbinding and corset training and almost every sort of "silly" formal fashion, but no one comprehends that whatever you think is appropriate and fashionable today will be equally silly to your kids or theirs. My favorite jacket has the zipper installed "backwards", which someone once told me makes it a ladies' jacket, and I neither knew nor care. There are probably a hundred other rules that I have only encountered in passing ("don't mix stripes and plaids") or never at all. The sheer number of them overwhelms, and the amount of money and energy wasted on anyone's personal subset of them is sillily[3] wasteful.
Another such topic is that of manners. Do you know why it is considered bad manners to put your elbows on the table? Because the lace on your cuffs might hang down in your food and get dirty. I open doors for other people when it is efficient and/or convenient, not because it is polite, and especially not because of gender. I start eating when my food arrives if there is a practical reason to do so (I'm hungry, the busboys look overworked, I'm leaving sooner, etc). I'll call someone Sir when they have earned my respect, regardless of how old or young they are, or who they are related to.
Stand up when a lady leaves the table. Don't eat with your fingers. Wear your pistol to be drawn with your left hand. Don't wear white after Labor Day[2]. Only shake with your right hand. Don't eat a whole roll, only torn pieces. Send "Thank You" cards in response to other cards. Never get involved in a land war in Asia...
A lot of people say that I should heed all of these social rules because of how they influence other people's perception of me. Basically what you're saying is that I should lie, since that's not how I act in normal situations. "Putting your best foot forward" is deceit. I don't want to be around people who don't want to be around me, and the fastest way to find out who those people are is to make sure they are getting to know the real me, not the face that I put on for public consumption.
For anyone out there who defends any of these rules, I challenge you to take 60 seconds to think of some social conventions from another country today, or from America 50 or 100 years ago, that you think of as silly. Now, imagine someone who lives abroad, or your potential future grandkids, reading the post that you are about to make. Write your post with them in mind, and be ready to defend your points on as many levels as you care to.
[1] In high school, our cheerleader uniforms had two thick "wings" on the back, which not a single person on the squad, including the costume designers, could explain to me. Apparently they just saw the concept in a book of designs and liked it. I happened to already know that they were a silly copy of the practical implementation of a parka hood that unzips in half to lay flat against the back, and thus not fill with snow.
[2] A) WTF? Seriously, WTF? B) Same objection as feeding mogwai... when does "after Labor Day" end? Can you wear a white dress at an xmas or new year's celebration?
[3] happy:happily::funny:funnily::silly:sillily
I have never been a big fan of fashion. I understand that certain color combinations are disconcerting to look at, but beyond that it is a mystery to me. Some people insist that I should tuck my shirt in according to some arcane criteria. Along with a tucked in shirt they expect me to wear a belt, despite my pants already fitting correctly. I recently found out that some other people think my belt and shoes should match in color, where I had always assumed that the general alternating-color rule of thumb (one of the few I have managed to find any semblance of consistent applicability) would apply to the belt matching your socks instead (and shoes matching your pants). Sometimes very practical bits of clothing devolve into pure and ignorant fashion[1], but rarely is anything fashionable ever put to practical use. We look down on other cultures, modern and historical, for things like footbinding and corset training and almost every sort of "silly" formal fashion, but no one comprehends that whatever you think is appropriate and fashionable today will be equally silly to your kids or theirs. My favorite jacket has the zipper installed "backwards", which someone once told me makes it a ladies' jacket, and I neither knew nor care. There are probably a hundred other rules that I have only encountered in passing ("don't mix stripes and plaids") or never at all. The sheer number of them overwhelms, and the amount of money and energy wasted on anyone's personal subset of them is sillily[3] wasteful.
Another such topic is that of manners. Do you know why it is considered bad manners to put your elbows on the table? Because the lace on your cuffs might hang down in your food and get dirty. I open doors for other people when it is efficient and/or convenient, not because it is polite, and especially not because of gender. I start eating when my food arrives if there is a practical reason to do so (I'm hungry, the busboys look overworked, I'm leaving sooner, etc). I'll call someone Sir when they have earned my respect, regardless of how old or young they are, or who they are related to.
Stand up when a lady leaves the table. Don't eat with your fingers. Wear your pistol to be drawn with your left hand. Don't wear white after Labor Day[2]. Only shake with your right hand. Don't eat a whole roll, only torn pieces. Send "Thank You" cards in response to other cards. Never get involved in a land war in Asia...
A lot of people say that I should heed all of these social rules because of how they influence other people's perception of me. Basically what you're saying is that I should lie, since that's not how I act in normal situations. "Putting your best foot forward" is deceit. I don't want to be around people who don't want to be around me, and the fastest way to find out who those people are is to make sure they are getting to know the real me, not the face that I put on for public consumption.
For anyone out there who defends any of these rules, I challenge you to take 60 seconds to think of some social conventions from another country today, or from America 50 or 100 years ago, that you think of as silly. Now, imagine someone who lives abroad, or your potential future grandkids, reading the post that you are about to make. Write your post with them in mind, and be ready to defend your points on as many levels as you care to.
[1] In high school, our cheerleader uniforms had two thick "wings" on the back, which not a single person on the squad, including the costume designers, could explain to me. Apparently they just saw the concept in a book of designs and liked it. I happened to already know that they were a silly copy of the practical implementation of a parka hood that unzips in half to lay flat against the back, and thus not fill with snow.
[2] A) WTF? Seriously, WTF? B) Same objection as feeding mogwai... when does "after Labor Day" end? Can you wear a white dress at an xmas or new year's celebration?
[3] happy:happily::funny:funnily::silly:sillily
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 04:10 am (UTC)Least that was what I was taught. :)
no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 04:23 am (UTC)PS: this is why I drop footnotes outside the cut :)
no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 04:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 04:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 04:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 04:47 pm (UTC)My solution has largely been to find clothing in the male section of stores, but then again, do you have any idea how hard it is to find pants that'll fit a twenty-eight inseam without dragging on the ground? My hips are too large for the boys section, and my legs are too short for the mens. I really wish someone would make sensible pants for girl-shaped people.
Er, sorry, just hit one of my rant buttons.
~Sor
no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 04:49 pm (UTC)*not only the lack of pockets, but pockets that can often handle my Razr and not much else.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-25 08:42 pm (UTC)I've always envied women the ability to carry a purse. I love gadgets and... stuff. I've always had my pockets full. Recently I got an iPad and said, "Fuck it. I'm going to get a messenger bag -- a.k.a. man-purse -- to carry this in, along with other crap that I usually stuff in my pockets." And it's been wonderful, even if I do look silly wearing it.
As a random side note, it's a pain in the ass being a tall(-ish) skinny dude. I've got a 29" waist and 34" inseam, so if I want pants from a store I'm going to have to go to a specialty store and pay $70+ for jeans. I recently ordered a "small/medium" shirt for a DragonCon costume, and I could easily fit two of myself into it, and probably three. I exercise enough these days that a medium-sized shirt works well enough on me, but length-wise I need a large, and it used to be that width-wise I needed a small. /rant
no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 05:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 05:05 pm (UTC)With the exception of the button/zipper thing, just about every fashion rule has been thrown out and ignored by the fashion world. Those who still cling to them need to find a different way to make themselves feel better instead of using stupid outdated rules to put others down.
Have you seriously looked at current fashion magazines? They're full of what I would call fashion atrocities, but yet they are the paragons of what we're supposed to emulate.
Just ignore it all, wear what's comfortable and reasonable for your lifestyle. (reasonable meaning you wouldn't wear a ball gown to work on cars)
no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 07:33 pm (UTC)Just sayin'.
~Sor
no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-19 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-18 05:09 pm (UTC)I look forward to seeing what other topics you choose to discuss.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-22 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-22 09:09 pm (UTC)More's the pity :(
:)
no subject
Date: 2010-08-23 03:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-23 10:52 am (UTC)Not pissed if a door gets opened for me, so long as he'll accept the same from me. If it's just a courtesy that can go either way, cool. If it's one of those sexist man-must-do-for-woman things, I'm angry. Like, "let me take that heavy box from you, miss." Dude, clearly I've chosen to pick up the damn box and I'm perfectly capable of carrying it, to indicate otherwise is just insulting.