Day 17, Social customs, manners, fashion
Aug. 17th, 2010 10:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparrMy post on tipping seems to have struck a chord, albeit of a negative sort. Today I'm going to address some other weird, arbitrary, impractical, or uncommon bits of American social expectations. Things like manners and fashion and whatever else comes to mind.
I have never been a big fan of fashion. I understand that certain color combinations are disconcerting to look at, but beyond that it is a mystery to me. Some people insist that I should tuck my shirt in according to some arcane criteria. Along with a tucked in shirt they expect me to wear a belt, despite my pants already fitting correctly. I recently found out that some other people think my belt and shoes should match in color, where I had always assumed that the general alternating-color rule of thumb (one of the few I have managed to find any semblance of consistent applicability) would apply to the belt matching your socks instead (and shoes matching your pants). Sometimes very practical bits of clothing devolve into pure and ignorant fashion[1], but rarely is anything fashionable ever put to practical use. We look down on other cultures, modern and historical, for things like footbinding and corset training and almost every sort of "silly" formal fashion, but no one comprehends that whatever you think is appropriate and fashionable today will be equally silly to your kids or theirs. My favorite jacket has the zipper installed "backwards", which someone once told me makes it a ladies' jacket, and I neither knew nor care. There are probably a hundred other rules that I have only encountered in passing ("don't mix stripes and plaids") or never at all. The sheer number of them overwhelms, and the amount of money and energy wasted on anyone's personal subset of them is sillily[3] wasteful.
Another such topic is that of manners. Do you know why it is considered bad manners to put your elbows on the table? Because the lace on your cuffs might hang down in your food and get dirty. I open doors for other people when it is efficient and/or convenient, not because it is polite, and especially not because of gender. I start eating when my food arrives if there is a practical reason to do so (I'm hungry, the busboys look overworked, I'm leaving sooner, etc). I'll call someone Sir when they have earned my respect, regardless of how old or young they are, or who they are related to.
Stand up when a lady leaves the table. Don't eat with your fingers. Wear your pistol to be drawn with your left hand. Don't wear white after Labor Day[2]. Only shake with your right hand. Don't eat a whole roll, only torn pieces. Send "Thank You" cards in response to other cards. Never get involved in a land war in Asia...
A lot of people say that I should heed all of these social rules because of how they influence other people's perception of me. Basically what you're saying is that I should lie, since that's not how I act in normal situations. "Putting your best foot forward" is deceit. I don't want to be around people who don't want to be around me, and the fastest way to find out who those people are is to make sure they are getting to know the real me, not the face that I put on for public consumption.
For anyone out there who defends any of these rules, I challenge you to take 60 seconds to think of some social conventions from another country today, or from America 50 or 100 years ago, that you think of as silly. Now, imagine someone who lives abroad, or your potential future grandkids, reading the post that you are about to make. Write your post with them in mind, and be ready to defend your points on as many levels as you care to.
[1] In high school, our cheerleader uniforms had two thick "wings" on the back, which not a single person on the squad, including the costume designers, could explain to me. Apparently they just saw the concept in a book of designs and liked it. I happened to already know that they were a silly copy of the practical implementation of a parka hood that unzips in half to lay flat against the back, and thus not fill with snow.
[2] A) WTF? Seriously, WTF? B) Same objection as feeding mogwai... when does "after Labor Day" end? Can you wear a white dress at an xmas or new year's celebration?
[3] happy:happily::funny:funnily::silly:sillily
I have never been a big fan of fashion. I understand that certain color combinations are disconcerting to look at, but beyond that it is a mystery to me. Some people insist that I should tuck my shirt in according to some arcane criteria. Along with a tucked in shirt they expect me to wear a belt, despite my pants already fitting correctly. I recently found out that some other people think my belt and shoes should match in color, where I had always assumed that the general alternating-color rule of thumb (one of the few I have managed to find any semblance of consistent applicability) would apply to the belt matching your socks instead (and shoes matching your pants). Sometimes very practical bits of clothing devolve into pure and ignorant fashion[1], but rarely is anything fashionable ever put to practical use. We look down on other cultures, modern and historical, for things like footbinding and corset training and almost every sort of "silly" formal fashion, but no one comprehends that whatever you think is appropriate and fashionable today will be equally silly to your kids or theirs. My favorite jacket has the zipper installed "backwards", which someone once told me makes it a ladies' jacket, and I neither knew nor care. There are probably a hundred other rules that I have only encountered in passing ("don't mix stripes and plaids") or never at all. The sheer number of them overwhelms, and the amount of money and energy wasted on anyone's personal subset of them is sillily[3] wasteful.
Another such topic is that of manners. Do you know why it is considered bad manners to put your elbows on the table? Because the lace on your cuffs might hang down in your food and get dirty. I open doors for other people when it is efficient and/or convenient, not because it is polite, and especially not because of gender. I start eating when my food arrives if there is a practical reason to do so (I'm hungry, the busboys look overworked, I'm leaving sooner, etc). I'll call someone Sir when they have earned my respect, regardless of how old or young they are, or who they are related to.
Stand up when a lady leaves the table. Don't eat with your fingers. Wear your pistol to be drawn with your left hand. Don't wear white after Labor Day[2]. Only shake with your right hand. Don't eat a whole roll, only torn pieces. Send "Thank You" cards in response to other cards. Never get involved in a land war in Asia...
A lot of people say that I should heed all of these social rules because of how they influence other people's perception of me. Basically what you're saying is that I should lie, since that's not how I act in normal situations. "Putting your best foot forward" is deceit. I don't want to be around people who don't want to be around me, and the fastest way to find out who those people are is to make sure they are getting to know the real me, not the face that I put on for public consumption.
For anyone out there who defends any of these rules, I challenge you to take 60 seconds to think of some social conventions from another country today, or from America 50 or 100 years ago, that you think of as silly. Now, imagine someone who lives abroad, or your potential future grandkids, reading the post that you are about to make. Write your post with them in mind, and be ready to defend your points on as many levels as you care to.
[1] In high school, our cheerleader uniforms had two thick "wings" on the back, which not a single person on the squad, including the costume designers, could explain to me. Apparently they just saw the concept in a book of designs and liked it. I happened to already know that they were a silly copy of the practical implementation of a parka hood that unzips in half to lay flat against the back, and thus not fill with snow.
[2] A) WTF? Seriously, WTF? B) Same objection as feeding mogwai... when does "after Labor Day" end? Can you wear a white dress at an xmas or new year's celebration?
[3] happy:happily::funny:funnily::silly:sillily
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no subject
Date: 2010-08-22 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-22 09:09 pm (UTC)More's the pity :(
:)
no subject
Date: 2010-08-23 03:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-23 10:52 am (UTC)Not pissed if a door gets opened for me, so long as he'll accept the same from me. If it's just a courtesy that can go either way, cool. If it's one of those sexist man-must-do-for-woman things, I'm angry. Like, "let me take that heavy box from you, miss." Dude, clearly I've chosen to pick up the damn box and I'm perfectly capable of carrying it, to indicate otherwise is just insulting.