Why do I tie people up?
Aug. 16th, 2012 03:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparrI get asked this pretty often. Sometimes the person doing the asking is someone I'm already close to, and possibly intimate with, and they are asking as a prelude to play. Sometimes they are a complete stranger who sees me doing rope play in public, or has seen photos of my work online. The answers I give are usually very similar, possibly including more or fewer private details depending on how well I know the person.
The potential reasons that I tie people up and that people get tied up are similar (or, in some cases, opposite, depending on your point of view), but for any given encounter they may not be entirely complementary. Put most simply, the reason I'll tie you up is because either I want to tie you up or you want to be tied up or both. Why either of us would want that is a matter of many different factors, and I'm going to try here to summarize most of them.
In the public eye, the most obvious facet of rope play is the bondage. This is, strictly speaking, separate from domination/submission, but usually links very strongly with that. I will tie you up, or you'll want me to tie you up, in order for there to be a strong domination / control aspect to our encounter. By restricting your movement, or in some cases your breathing or sensation, I will have taken control of some aspect of your experience, and you will have given up that control.
Another aspect that is apparent and obvious is the visual appeal. In addition to enjoying the look of the bondage, regardless of its medium, the specific aesthetics of rope have strong appeal in certain ways. How the rope looks on your body, and possibly on whatever you're tied to, can provide pleasing visual stimulus to me, to you, or to the audience.
The feel of rope on your body is something that won't have been obvious until you try it. Even if you've played with leather/steel/etc before, but especially if not, there's no way to predict whether you'll have a positive or negative response specifically to the way rope feels on your skin, the way it tightens in narrow bands, the way it changes dynamically, or any of the other ways in which it is completely different from other forms of bondage. This applies to the top, as well, because the feel of rope in their hands can be just as appealing.
Rope as a medium for art is not something restricted to the realm of bondage. All of the appeal of macrame, knitting, knotting, and other forms of fiber arts also applies to rope play. Your body is a novel canvas that interplays with the rope differently than any other. This leads to the desire to make art, or to be part of a work of art, as part of the process of playing with rope.
It's usually legal. Many types of kinky play, including some that I am into and many that I am not, are illegal in various specific places or situations. Rope play doesn't cross most of those lines, and that means I can feel safer doing it, and so can you.
All of these are reasons specifically for playing with rope. However, there are more answers to the question as posed...
I am good with rope. I'm not the best, or even close, but I'm good enough that people sometimes compliment my work sincerely, and that I've been sought out for my skills. This strokes my ego, and I enjoy that well enough, so tying you up gives me a chance to show off, whether that's just to you or to everyone in the room or to everyone who sees the photos we will make. This isn't rope-specific, because I'm also eager to demonstrate any of my other honed specialist skills as well.
Also because I'm good with rope, I'll occasionally get paid to do it. I'm not a professional dominant, but I am a teacher. If you're giving me money, or other consideration, in exchange for my doing a demo or lesson, that's a big reason for me to spend time playing with rope. I've even occasionally done rope performances for entertainment purposes.
I want to expose you to new experiences. This applies to all of my acquaintances, in many ways. I like to take people to conventions and festivals, to try new food, to see new museums, to build or burn things. An opportunity to tie someone up for the first time falls into this category quite often. You might enjoy it, in which case it can be a fun and prolonged experiment. You might dislike it, in which case it won't last but a minute. Either way, I'll have added some novelty to your life, and I enjoy doing that.
Even when I'm not getting paid, I like to teach. I want all of my friends to know how to do all the interesting things that I do, so that their lives will be more interesting. Sometimes this is problematic, because I'll digress into "teacher mode" when I'm supposed to be more intimate or otherwise.
I want to play with you. This reason is orthogonal to all of the others, but if it happens that the feeling is mutual and rope is one of the interests we share, or perhaps the first or only one, then that play will be in the form of rope.
I want you to think of me as someone who is safe to play with. Rope play, without nudity or the addition of any sexual aspects, is one of the most socially acceptable kinks. This applies in both directions, in that the public does not shun it as much, and that people are more willing to engage in it in public, compared to other kinks. This means that we can play with rope in an environment that makes you comfortable. If this goes well, I'll have demonstrated my skill to you, you'll have discovered that you enjoy rope play, and we'll have a much greater chance of arranging to play further in the future.
So, given all of those potential reasons for me to tie you up, and all of the complementary reasons for you to get tied up, which and how many of them apply to each of us will dictate what happens. None of them are mandatory, for me at least, but most of them are desirable.
In the ideal case, everything on this list comes into play (except, maybe, getting paid). I like you, you like me, we both like every aspect of rope play and kinky play in general, etc. That's rarely the case. In the real world, priorities and compromise come into play. I will tie up someone that doesn't appeal to me as a play partner if they are a friend who wants to learn how to play with rope. People will ask me to tie them up even though I don't appeal to them as a play partner, just because they want to experience or learn about rope play. I will tie you up, even if we want to be doing something else together, if rope play is the most convenient or acceptable thing for us to be doing where/when we are. Etc.
I hope this has shed some light on the subject, and please feel free to ask me, here or in private, if you have any other questions.
The potential reasons that I tie people up and that people get tied up are similar (or, in some cases, opposite, depending on your point of view), but for any given encounter they may not be entirely complementary. Put most simply, the reason I'll tie you up is because either I want to tie you up or you want to be tied up or both. Why either of us would want that is a matter of many different factors, and I'm going to try here to summarize most of them.
In the public eye, the most obvious facet of rope play is the bondage. This is, strictly speaking, separate from domination/submission, but usually links very strongly with that. I will tie you up, or you'll want me to tie you up, in order for there to be a strong domination / control aspect to our encounter. By restricting your movement, or in some cases your breathing or sensation, I will have taken control of some aspect of your experience, and you will have given up that control.
Another aspect that is apparent and obvious is the visual appeal. In addition to enjoying the look of the bondage, regardless of its medium, the specific aesthetics of rope have strong appeal in certain ways. How the rope looks on your body, and possibly on whatever you're tied to, can provide pleasing visual stimulus to me, to you, or to the audience.
The feel of rope on your body is something that won't have been obvious until you try it. Even if you've played with leather/steel/etc before, but especially if not, there's no way to predict whether you'll have a positive or negative response specifically to the way rope feels on your skin, the way it tightens in narrow bands, the way it changes dynamically, or any of the other ways in which it is completely different from other forms of bondage. This applies to the top, as well, because the feel of rope in their hands can be just as appealing.
Rope as a medium for art is not something restricted to the realm of bondage. All of the appeal of macrame, knitting, knotting, and other forms of fiber arts also applies to rope play. Your body is a novel canvas that interplays with the rope differently than any other. This leads to the desire to make art, or to be part of a work of art, as part of the process of playing with rope.
It's usually legal. Many types of kinky play, including some that I am into and many that I am not, are illegal in various specific places or situations. Rope play doesn't cross most of those lines, and that means I can feel safer doing it, and so can you.
All of these are reasons specifically for playing with rope. However, there are more answers to the question as posed...
I am good with rope. I'm not the best, or even close, but I'm good enough that people sometimes compliment my work sincerely, and that I've been sought out for my skills. This strokes my ego, and I enjoy that well enough, so tying you up gives me a chance to show off, whether that's just to you or to everyone in the room or to everyone who sees the photos we will make. This isn't rope-specific, because I'm also eager to demonstrate any of my other honed specialist skills as well.
Also because I'm good with rope, I'll occasionally get paid to do it. I'm not a professional dominant, but I am a teacher. If you're giving me money, or other consideration, in exchange for my doing a demo or lesson, that's a big reason for me to spend time playing with rope. I've even occasionally done rope performances for entertainment purposes.
I want to expose you to new experiences. This applies to all of my acquaintances, in many ways. I like to take people to conventions and festivals, to try new food, to see new museums, to build or burn things. An opportunity to tie someone up for the first time falls into this category quite often. You might enjoy it, in which case it can be a fun and prolonged experiment. You might dislike it, in which case it won't last but a minute. Either way, I'll have added some novelty to your life, and I enjoy doing that.
Even when I'm not getting paid, I like to teach. I want all of my friends to know how to do all the interesting things that I do, so that their lives will be more interesting. Sometimes this is problematic, because I'll digress into "teacher mode" when I'm supposed to be more intimate or otherwise.
I want to play with you. This reason is orthogonal to all of the others, but if it happens that the feeling is mutual and rope is one of the interests we share, or perhaps the first or only one, then that play will be in the form of rope.
I want you to think of me as someone who is safe to play with. Rope play, without nudity or the addition of any sexual aspects, is one of the most socially acceptable kinks. This applies in both directions, in that the public does not shun it as much, and that people are more willing to engage in it in public, compared to other kinks. This means that we can play with rope in an environment that makes you comfortable. If this goes well, I'll have demonstrated my skill to you, you'll have discovered that you enjoy rope play, and we'll have a much greater chance of arranging to play further in the future.
So, given all of those potential reasons for me to tie you up, and all of the complementary reasons for you to get tied up, which and how many of them apply to each of us will dictate what happens. None of them are mandatory, for me at least, but most of them are desirable.
In the ideal case, everything on this list comes into play (except, maybe, getting paid). I like you, you like me, we both like every aspect of rope play and kinky play in general, etc. That's rarely the case. In the real world, priorities and compromise come into play. I will tie up someone that doesn't appeal to me as a play partner if they are a friend who wants to learn how to play with rope. People will ask me to tie them up even though I don't appeal to them as a play partner, just because they want to experience or learn about rope play. I will tie you up, even if we want to be doing something else together, if rope play is the most convenient or acceptable thing for us to be doing where/when we are. Etc.
I hope this has shed some light on the subject, and please feel free to ask me, here or in private, if you have any other questions.